The game we decided would probably be the worst was Cruise Ship Vacation Games for the Wii. The name alone made me think it was awful, but the screenshots on the back of the box made me feel safe in my assumption. As you may have guessed Cruise Ship Vacation Games is a mini game collection. Unsurprisingly it takes place on a cruise ship. You choose from one of ten mini-games and compete with friends or against the CPU. It was published by Activision, but it doesn't seem as if it was originally one of their budget titles. It just wasn't good enough to sustain a price above $8 dollars.
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| This cruise is off the chain! |
The best part of the entire game was the character select screen. We each got to choose a character from a pre-determined list. At first we were just picking based on looks, but then we realized that each person had a paragraph of back story. I chose a character because he looked like Cosmo Kramer of Seinfeld fame. Upon reading his back story I realized that he actually was supposed to look like Kramer.
"Tired of being the "weird neighbor" in his apartment building, he took the money he saved up selling plasma and left on a cruise. He hopes to meet new people, try new foods, and discover new hair care products."
Those are the exact words next to the character! They didn't even try and pretend that he wasn't a blatant ripoff of a popular sitcom character. From there the descriptions only got weirder. My personal favorite was for an animal loving girl.
"She enjoys cows, pigs, mice, squirrels, and bunnies. Her primary complaint about the cruise thus far has been the absence of cows, pigs, mice, squirrels, and bunnies. She thinks she might be starting to like ducks."
SHE THINKS SHE MIGHT BE STARTING TO LIKE DUCKS! I literally can't make this shit up. Why has she started to like ducks? I've never been on a cruise, but I'm pretty sure there aren't many ducks on the open ocean. Sadly after the character selection nothing of note really happened.
You choose one of the mini-games to play and then compete, which is just like every other mini-game collection out there. Most of the things are just generic mini-games that seem ripped straight out of other collections. Skiiball, mini-golf, rock climbing, shuffleboard, ping pong, and blackjack are just a few of the games you can play. They're all fairly competent, but they just aren't fun. Rock climbing was probably the best game, because it was somehow turned into a weird Bejeweled knockoff. In order to climb up colored rocks you had to match three colored gems in a row.
There really isn't a whole lot I want to say about Cruise Ship Vacation games, other than that it has a stupid premise. A game based entirely around games and attractions you'd find on a cruise ship is a dumb concept and it's still dumb in practice. The mini-games are all functional, but the game's biggest crime is that it's just boring. None of the mini-games got me very excited except for shuffleboard and that was only because I was trying as hard as possible not to get negative points. Check out the trailer below to find out how truly exciting it was to play Cruise Ship Vacation Games...
Sidenote: The game's case and trailer both claim that it supports Wii-motion plus, which is something that I cannot grasp. None of the mini-games have any super intense motion controls that need to be precise or anything, so I can't even imagine how using a motion plus would enhance the experience.
-Manny
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