Party Game Sundays: The Bachelor: The Video Game

There was a time in my life when I would have refused playing a video game based on the reality television show The Bachelor. Since that time has now passed I'm both happy and sad to tell you that this past Sunday I sat down to play The Bachelor: The Video Game with three other males in their mid twenties. We could have played as dudes going for the bachelorette, but that would have been slightly less funny.

I have never seen a full episode of The Bachelor, but I understand the premise. A bunch of ladies try to win the heart of an eligible bachelor by competing in challenges and going on dates. At some point the bachelor gives roses to the ladies he might want to be with and those who don't receive them are sent home. This concept actually makes a little bit of sense in a mini-game collection format.

Warner Bros. is only publishing the best games.

So initially this game seemed like it would be utter garbage, but instead it was only kind of crappy. You start by picking the lady you want to be. I picked the one wearing a hot sparkly dress. After you've picked who you want to be you have to choose which bachelor you want to pursue. In the beginning you only have one option and I definitely don't remember his name. I think it was Jason or something. So you pick a guy and then an episode. There are three episodes in a season, which ends with one lucky lady getting married!

In order to compete for the bachelor's heart you obviously need to play mini-games. This is where the game fell apart for me a bit. The game sets up a group date. One of them was ice skating. Sure, that's a reasonable group date. However, the mini-game related to the date involves you trying to make large hexagons without them being hit by some kind of ice ball. They didn't even try to have the games relate to the stupid plot.

I'm glad I didn't marry Jason. He seemed like a tool.

The mini-games are totally fine though. They actually controlled well and were fun in some cases. They weren't blowing my mind or anything, but they were alright. After each mini-game, depending on what place you finished in, you receive a certain amount of hearts. The person with the most hearts at the end of the episode gets to go on a single date with the bachelor. The other three players can try to sabotage them, but it's literally impossible. I'm not even kidding. The single person could fall asleep for a few minutes and still win the single date. They have to do the same thing as the other three people, but they have to do way less of it.

The single date holds the best part of the game. Prior to the impossible to sabotage mini-game you'll be treated to a shitty CG cutscene where the contestant gets sort of close to the bachelor almost like they're going to kiss. If the person wins the date, then the bachelor and the contestant kiss, or have some type of romantic moment. If they lose however, it's amazing. The bachelor will lose interest in some very jarring ways. In one scene he falls asleep when they're about to kiss and in another he suddenly decides to sprint away as fast as he can. I tried looking up some of these clips for you, but to my surprise no one on the internet ripped them for my viewing pleasure. There was a let's play, but I have better things to do than watch someone else play a middling game (at least right now).

This is the hottest image on the internet.

The fact that this game exists is amazing. I feel like the cross-section of people who watch The Bachelor and play terrible mini-game collections is very small. Yet somehow they actually got the real host of the television show to voice it. He does a pretty bad job, which is what I would have expected.

It's not really very fun, but it is certainly funny. If you want to see some of the least sexually arousing CG people of all time you should totally pick this gem up.

     -Manny